what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
