party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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