My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
After tacos, we're chasing women.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
