the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
