I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
