I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize
