He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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