May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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