Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my sisters under your porch take her home
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
