Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
