yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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