I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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