yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
