I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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