my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
