Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
