that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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