I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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