I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
