Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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