I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have fence marks all over my body
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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