This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
