Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize