Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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