if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
