You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
