I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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