Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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