I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
