I accidentally burped into my bong.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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