i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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