9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
