I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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