Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
