so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
