remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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