my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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