i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Then you guys just all showered together...?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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