Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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