I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
