Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
