I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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