I CAN MOONWALK!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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