I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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