So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
