i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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