His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize