so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
