i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
