Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
