I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
