So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
