Michael Bay diarrhea
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
