shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize