I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
