Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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