do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
