just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
