I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
