I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I will pee on everything he values.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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