then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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