At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
