the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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