I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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