I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
