he was CRYING into my vagina
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
