you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
