Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
